First, this is the fourth time in the last 11 years I have mentally prepared for my demise and the coming end of time, and to be honest it’s getting old. I feel we need one, and only one doomsday predictor and we need to select one date. Here are the events I prepared for, and to be honest went out of my way to be nice to others for the 24 hours leading up to it just to error on the side of caution.
Y2K: We all remember this dandy of a day and waited on pins and needles for the clock to strike 12:01 a.m. and the impending doom as computers shut down or fought back. I wasted my new years eve and all the sin and revelry I could have enjoyed by eye balling my evil computer all night to no avail.
24 April, 2001: The Lord’s Witness declared they figured out the “True Bible Code” and that the UN would take over the world and no one would be able to buy anything. Well I spent $27,342 in the weeks leading up to that stocking up on MRE’s and seed bank seeds just sure they had it right. Anyone need a pot roast MRE?
2004: This whole year was doomsday year according to Watcher Ministries and they based this on an analysis of the great pyramid of Giza saying the Tribulation started in 1997 and that seven years later we were doomed. As you can now imagine I had a very bad year waiting each day for the end. The good news is that I was the kindest I have ever been for 365 straight days.
21 May, 2011: That leads us to tomorrow and what is certain to be the real end of days. What bothers me most here is twofold. First……I have plans and now have to figure out if I need to drink early because no time was given. Also do I play golf or go do a preemptive good deed hoping to lessen the possible fate that awaits me. Second, I already factored in 21 December and the Mayan doomsday for this year and had all my ducks in a row for the 20th. I even went so far as to schedule my Christmas for the 25th of Nov to ensure I got two great holidays in before the destruction of mankind happens. Plus, I’ve been to Mexico and the Mayan ruins and I trust these dudes and the stone calendars they used to predict the end of time.
If tomorrow passes and we all make it I’m thinking we need the President to appoint a doomsday czar that gathers all the data and tells when the date is and of course regulates and taxes all the retail money that comes from the doomsday industry…….Geez, just pick one day and let us get on with our lives.
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